Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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