It's Friday. Sex?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
