i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
