You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
