I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
