I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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