If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize