I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
