isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
