Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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