I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
