it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Be still, my beating vagina.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
