so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Randomize
