I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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