I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
