no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
