i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
