:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
