When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
