Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
