Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
