You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Randomize
