Dual....:-)
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
