Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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