Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
