Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
