so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
