My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
