Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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