This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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