his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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