Your mouth is God's brothel.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He keeps bees of course he's weird
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
