If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
