also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
