Define "chronic" masturbator.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
