I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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