apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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