girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
