Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Randomize
