So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
