just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
