Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
