On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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