I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
