can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
