I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
