I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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