i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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