just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
