Who did Billy Mays play for?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
