dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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