I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Come share oat with me in your robe
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
