I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
